Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
