I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
