My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
