i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
