i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
