There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
