Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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