The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
