How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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