jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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