Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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