i wish peter jackson would direct porn
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
