I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
