you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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