Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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