I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
