First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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