wanna go halves on a baby?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
