and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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