There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
