I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
