Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
