I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
