i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
