im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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