It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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