ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
