Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
