Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
