Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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