Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
