I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone came in the potted fern
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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