i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
