I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
