i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
