I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
