do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
