did you get engaged???
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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