She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
