Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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