this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
