i just sent this text using only my big toe
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
