I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
