she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
