I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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