everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
