He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
