you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
