The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
