Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
