I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
