You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
