it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
