Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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