Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
