They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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