plz talk dirty to me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
