Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
