Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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