I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
